Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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