So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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