so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
