Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
