Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize