My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
