I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
