He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Randomize
