We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
