Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
