You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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