your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize