"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
