hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
