i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
