I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
