hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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