Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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