I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
