i think my tv is drunk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
