I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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