I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
