Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
