so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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