I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize