Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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