dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
