my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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