We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
