Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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