if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
