What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
