it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
