He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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