Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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