I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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