I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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