If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
