I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
