So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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