some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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