you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
