If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
