The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
