hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
