So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
