So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
