he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
