I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
