I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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