I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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