oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
