Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
