I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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