I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
