you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
