now i know why i became what i already was.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
