Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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