would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
