I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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