like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize