I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
