You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
