i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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