The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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