The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
