Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
