I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
