Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
