i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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