Quick, to the slutcave!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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