He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
