I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
