i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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