FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
