you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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