Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize